Once in a Moment

And once in a moment,
It all comes to you.
Soon as you get it,
You want something new.

- Lyric from It’s All I Can Do

I can’t write a blog entry like It’s All I Can Do and not follow up with something. That was, after all, one of the most emotional days I’ve had in a long time.

I am back to the routine of working on my place. Yesterday, I started painting the meditation room. I wanted to get that room usable so I can start doing energy work again. I also wanted to get back to painting before I lost the impetus.

I am an early riser, and the mornings are too dim to get good painting done. But they are perfect for writing. And, as you know, I’ve been doing a lot of writing. In fact, I think right now there is nothing I enjoy more than writing. Sooner than later, I’m going to get back to my trilogy and then you’ll hear from me a bit less, but for now: it’s all I can do.

6 of Cups

A few weeks ago, I did a reading for myself and the 6 of Cups showed up in the challenge position. The 6 of Cups is all about nostalgia. When it is a challenge, it could mean that we’re focusing on painful memories of the past. Or it could be that good memories of the past bring pain in the present (because they are now lost).

For me, the 6 of Cups had never shown itself in the challenge position before. I don’t consider myself very nostalgic by nature. However, I’m not sure I’ve ever seen it in that position – in any reading for anyone. Because of this, I remembered it.

In the weeks that have passed since that reading, I have grown to understand what it was forewarning. I have been haunted by memories ever since – even before finding this place, even before It’s All I Can Do.

The majority of memories were mundane images of my life in San Diego. When I left San Diego, I didn’t look back. I’ve only been to visit once in the 5 years since leaving. It quickly became a place that was not my home and I couldn’t look back at it. After the 6 of Cups showed up, it was all I could do. I couldn’t stop the memories or the twinges of emotion they brought. Maybe last Friday was the culmination of all of that emotion too. I did have so many hopes for my life in San Diego that never came true.

Back to my routine, I have still been listening to It’s All I Can Do each day. I typically spend a bit of time letting it loop in the morning. I haven’t been crying any longer, but I still feel pangs in my gut.

Interestingly, I now feel nostalgic about Friday. As I listen to the song, I remember sitting by the creek near here and shedding my tears into it. It was the perfect day: warm and sunny, and it was my first walk down there since the move.

So, part of what I’ve been doing with this song, is burning new feelings and memories into it. Preparing this house is like preparing me for a new life. I can feel that things are going to be different. I feel twinges of vulnerability – fear of the unknown – but also anticipation for experiences beyond my expectation.

Nostalgia isn’t just about the past – I am realizing.

Have you ever taken a new CD on vacation with you? I’ve done this a few times knowing that that music would forever be imbued with the feelings of that trip. There’s one CD that takes me back to South America in 2002, and two others that take me to Geneva in 2000. Those are two of the longest and most affecting trips I’ve ever taken. They were life changing.

Years ago, I did an Akashic reading for a man where spirit spoke of mental rewiring. It’s a process of digging a new thought-channel that leads one to a happier place. For whatever reason, It’s All I Can Do led to an outpouring of pain. It served me well – and might not be completely over yet. However, the nostalgic feelings of regret of the past can now be turned into anticipation of intimacy and connection in the future. Those experiences I wanted in my youth can still be achieved in this lifetime, even if they look a little different.

This is a manifestation technique. It is creating the donut hole first, and letting the rest of the pasty fluff up around it. It’s focusing on the pure diamond center of an experience. The heart of any experience is the set of emotions felt.

For many years, I didn’t allow myself to dream. I didn’t fantasize about anything important that I wanted because I was merely reminded of the pain of not having it. As part of opening back up, it’s time to dream again. I have to reach for these experiences to obtain them.

When you paint your own place, you touch every inch of wall. As you live in the space, you can look at the corners and remember touching them with your brush.

So, for now, I’m painting my future life. I’m coloring corners of my heart that have been untouched for a while. I’ll let you know how it goes…

And once in a night,
I dreamed you were there…

- From It’s All I Can Do

Donuts and Diamonds

We all like donuts, right? How could we not? They’re sweet; they’re cute; they’re sometimes colorful. But do we love donuts?

“Lucy in the sky, with donuts?!?”
“Donuts are a girls best friend?!?”
“Nothing says I love you like a donut?!?”

Clearly one cannot replace a diamond with a donut and get the same results. Diamonds are precious gems! Diamonds are virtually indestructible. Diamonds are highly symbolic. But donuts? They’re a breakfast food that is lacking in nutrients. They are fun to eat, sure, but then an hour later we’re hungry again.

We all know that donuts are not satiating. They’re something missing. They look good, but the end result misses the mark.

Now, of course, I’m being silly comparing donuts to diamonds. They are not even in the same genre – donuts are food and diamonds are gems. But there is a reason to compare them – and that is symbolism.

Let’s first think of diamonds. We’ve all heard of the expression a diamond in the rough. What does it mean? Well, it primarily about potential. A lump of dirt has a diamond inside. All that is needed is to remove the dirt and then polish the stone. Teachers and coaches use this metaphor plenty. That’s because people get it. Metaphysicians use it too because it is a great way to talk about manifestation. Often, when we pray for diamonds, we get lumps of earth and a chisel. It’s part of our journey to extract the diamonds. Of course, sometimes we’re just given a shovel and then subtly guided to the right spot to dig.

There are so many great visuals with diamonds.

Donuts, as symbols, only showed up recently – in the past year or so. The first time, the word popped out of my mouth in the middle of a reading. The client was talking about aspects of her life and in response, spirit said, “donuts”.

We’ve already discussed how donuts look good, but are less than satisfying. They might be great at first taste, but then after digging our teeth into them, we find that something is missing. After all, there is that hole in the middle.

Manifestations that are donuts are the things in life we create, attract, and receive that look right, seem right, but then as we interact with them, we’re not satisfied. We realize that something is missing. It’s like meeting that tall, dark, and handsome man via OkCupid and not feeling any bit of spark on the first date. He looked good. He said the right things. He paid for dinner. But at the end of the evening, there wasn’t that pull of attraction.

Maybe it’s that new job. It sounded so exciting when we read the description. We wanted it and applied for the position. We were even excited when we got the interview, but then, walking around the office, it just felt… hollow.

To me, I think the manifesting of donuts has increased. Why? Well, because so many of us are consciously studying manifestation. We’ve learned all of these neat techniques, and they work! We now know to visualize and itemize. We make a list and check it twice. “Oh, I mustn’t forget this aspect,” we say to ourselves. Every time something doesn’t work out, our list grows.

And then the next manifestation is closer to the mark. It’s a more complete picture. It’s a donut with sprinkles on top and pretty icing. But damn it! There’s still that hole!

One time during a reading, a client and I discussed his dream. He had so many details to share. They were even heartfelt. He clearly knew what he wanted for his life. So what was missing? Well, when I looked at his picture via his Akashic Records, I saw the hole. Here was this masterpiece of art and the one thing he forgot to paint inside of it was himself! Every time he saw his desire, he saw it out there – as if watching a movie – as if it were someone else’s life. He couldn’t put himself in the picture because he didn’t think he fit! Once he was there, the scene around him couldn’t work – in his mind.

Spirit, of course, didn’t see it that way. Spirit never sees donuts. Instead, they see jigsaw puzzles. All of the pieces are around us, and they all fit. Our journey is simply the path of putting it all together.

Most often, when we create donuts, the piece that is missing is our heart. We create what we want, what we desire, what we think is good for us, and then forget to add love. We think that when it shows up pretty and shiny, we’ll just naturally love it. But then that shiny piece of metal does show up and we don’t feel anything about it. We smile and feign appreciation, but then that night, when we’re all by ourselves, we look at it and know that it’s not it.

As someone who had shut his heart to avoid pain, I know all about donuts. If I ate every one that I created, I would be 300 pounds! I tasted some, for sure! I even felt appreciation for creating exactly the donut I had envisioned. I rarely lost sight of the fact that I did indeed create a hollow image, but I created one with detail, and that was exciting in and of itself. But like a sport fisherman who doesn’t like to eat fish, I threw them all back. “Thank you spirit, for this beautiful donut.” <Fling> (Donut goes flying out the window…)

Consider this: the word “donut” looks and sounds a lot like “do not”. So every time we get a donut, we get a do not. But is the message “do not create donuts”? NO. The message is “do not get discouraged”! Every time we get a donut, we get something that we created! That’s perfection! That’s manifestation! That’s us being within our power. That’s evidence of the God within.

We are creators. We are deciders. We are masters. If we can create a donut with a hole in the middle, then we can create a cupcake with a diamond inside. We can create tall, dark, and handsome, AND add the deep, intimate connection that we desire as well. The donut showed up to show us how we’re doing. Sure, we’re getting the surface details right, but we’re also still creating a hole.

And why didn’t we fill the hole to begin with? Because then it’s so much scarier. If the man that knocked at our door was the one, then we’d be vulnerable again. We’d be at risk of getting hurt. We could fail, (but only in our own minds).

Here’s another piece of information. Hope is not powerful. When we hope for an outcome, we ask spirit knowing, thinking and believing that the answer could be no. We look at our history and say, “it’s been no before”. When there’s hope, there’s also a strong memory of lack.

Don’t hope; intend! Know that when you ask the Universe, it always says, “Yes!” The only variable is time, and time is an illusion anyway. If you knew you couldn’t fail, what would you do differently? If you know that in 75 days your dream would show up, but not a day sooner, what would you do for the next 74? Would you fret? Would you hope for the best and plan for the worst? Remember, planning is asking. Plan for the worst and attract it towards you.

So fling those donuts out the window, but do not do so until you really look at them. See what you created. See the sprinkles and the icing. Taste them. Decide what you like, then add to it. Accept the donuts as gifts from the Universe, and then fling them out the window.

Mars is just about to go retrograde (tomorrow – January 24th) and Saturn is soon to follow (February 8th). Both of these masters will walk us through what we’ve created thus far. The donuts around us will glow and shine calling our attention. And the window will be wide open. Go ahead, wind up and fling.

And then, as you visualize and itemize your intentions, have heart. Pour a little of that love right into the middle of your mold. Remember all of those times you loved in the past. Look at all that you love right now. Pump up that muscle and then squeeze the juice out of it.

Then watch what shows up next!

Happy Baking my friends!

It’s All I Can Do

Today is January 20, 2012. 1-20-2012. It’s like we’re counting, but stuck at 1-2.

The T-Square I wrote of last time is as tight as it’s going to get. The Sun already squared off with Saturn, and will have its turn with Jupiter soon enough. And today the Sun made the transition from Capricorn to Aquarius.

When I wrote the previous article As the Dust Settles, I was in the mood to write. I didn’t have a topic, so I pulled up one of my favorite sites: www.PlanetWatcher.com and that’s when I saw the T-Square. It struck me as pertinent – so I wrote what I saw.

In that post, I said the music would stop and we’ll all have to sit. Turns out, I did need to sit, but the music did not stop.

As I get settled in my new place, I have a routine. I put on some music and work through my list: fixing, cleaning, unpacking, putting stuff together. It’s all I can do.

Moves have a way of putting me in a different place. Ha! Yes, literally, that’s obvious. But then it seeps in and I find myself feeling things I haven’t felt in a while. It’s all I can do.

Today, my music listening was via Pandora, and on one of the stations I had created recently: The Cars. When songs are picked for that station, I hear music from my youth. The Cars hit their peak in the 70s and I was very young then, but their popularity lasted into the 80s and that’s when I was a bit more into them.

Today, within the shuffle, a song comes on called It’s All I Can Do. When I first hear it, I jump up and give it a thumbs up. I love that song! Mid-afternoon, I decide to take a break. I’m craving that song again, and thus pull up YouTube and search for it. Sure enough – it’s there. So I listen to it again… and again… It’s all I can do.

Oddly, I feel nostalgic. I long for the 70s again, but I hardly remember them. Thoughts flow through my mind that can’t be mine. I wasn’t old enough to drive in the 70s. But I remember – and feel – experiences. Life was so – uncomplicated. It was free. It was emotional. It was all about love.

Am I detecting this empathically? Is it in the song? Where is this coming from? It’s all I can do.

And then my chest breaks open. First just a crack, but then the gushing rips it apart and I’m sobbing. I am in pain. I am grieving – the loss of a lover, a father, youth, life… A line in the song says “you don’t want to get hurt” and as I hear it for the 50th time, I sob even harder. It’s all I can do.

I feel regret for a life that wasn’t lived the way I wanted. When I was young, I felt so much. I felt magic, connection, love, and pain – and the pain was so unbearable at times.

At some point, I couldn’t take it any longer. I shut myself off from the pain. And it stopped. No more emotional hurt. No more longing for the touch of a specific person. No more magic. I heard. I saw. I sensed. But I didn’t feel.

It’s at this point I’m going to make a confession to you. I know that I have been closed for years now. I’ve been hiding. In this state, I couldn’t feel, but my sensing grew. It got so strong, I couldn’t be out there any more. Even with nothing happening to me, I sensed so much. The pain was there – everywhere I looked. I could feel it empathically, even while I kept mine hidden away. But this is no way to live.

So I spoke to my guides, my group, my God. I knew I had to make a change. I had to face my fear – and the pain – and the possibility that I could hurt so profoundly again like I did when I was young. But I didn’t want to hurt. I knew that if I opened the door, it would be the first thing I would feel. It was all still there after all. But how can one truly love without the possibility of feeling pain?

“One too many times, I fell over you” – that line just played – and boy was that my life time and time again.

So I walk – with headphone on – and listen. As I felt such regret for a life not lived the way I wanted it to be, I realize that I did the best I could. I couldn’t have lived it differently. And I am living the best way I know. It’s all I can do.

10 of Swords

The Tarot cards warned me. I did a reading for myself this morning for the first time in weeks. In the immediate future was that card that used to hurt so much in my youth – the 10 of Swords. When that card showed its face, I knew it would be bad. I knew it would hurt. And it did.

But none of this crosses my mind this morning. I hadn’t felt that way in so long, why would I anticipate this? And when I first woke, I was so excited for the day.

Now, I can’t stop feeling. I can’t stop listening. I can’t stop crying. It’s all I can do.

This time, the shedding of pain is cathartic. All I have to do is stop the music and the feelings stop – the memories – the nostalgia. But I can’t. I have to keep listening. It’s all I can do.

The truth is, I don’t know what this pain is about specifically – or why this one song triggers it. Yes, it is familiar; I’ve felt it so many times before.

I’m still listening to that song – It’s all I can do. I still feel loss and regret. A part of me wishes I was a teenager and could do it all over again, but differently this time. I guess I’ll get my chance in another life.

So – now – I sit while the music plays on. It’s all I can do.

I am in between one place and another – and I don’t regret today. A part of me is coming back – and I’ve missed him so much. When I think about the man (boy) I used to be – the one who felt so strongly – I love him. I’m proud of him. I’m looking forward to having him around again cause this adult life I’ve been living has needed him around. I guess I have been waiting for him.

It’s all I can do – to keep waiting for you.

It’s all I can do

As the Dust Settles

Astrology is an endlessly interesting subject. For me, it is simply a study of the experience of life as we know it on this planet. It is not just about personality and the natal chart; it’s also about the seasons and cycles of life. There are personal horoscopes, but also vibrational weather.

Take for example the past four weeks. Since the solstice on December 21 or 22, 2011 (depending on where you were), we have been traveling through the sign of Capricorn. So what is Capricorn like in terms of vibrational weather?

Capricorn is a Cardinal-Earth sign. Earth signs are all about the physical aspects of life: homes, jobs, work, and money – even our bodies. If you ask most Capricorns, they’d say that’s everything in life! Really, it’s only that which is seen with the eyes and touched with the hands. So what’s the Cardinal part?

Cardinal is an aspect of action and initiative. A scientist would use the term catalyst. It’s like a spark or a match; it gets things going. When you combine the active energy of Cardinal with the physical quality of Earth, you end up with a month of thunderous productivity.

Certainly, this Capricorn period has been the most active I’ve possibly ever experienced. All I need to do is look around to see how much my physical environment changed as a result of my actions.

However this year is not the exception, but a more profound example of the rule. In fact, I first learned about Capricorn through observation. Nearly every year of my software engineering career followed this same pattern. In Sagittarius, nothing got done easily. No one really wanted to work. The Holidays not only distracted us, but also put us in a more social mood. If we weren’t on vacation officially, we were sitting at our desk planning one – taking a client phone call if needed.

Yet in nearly every case, once the holidays were over, Capricorn energy kicked in. January always seemed to fly by. I don’t consider myself a winter person, but I always enjoyed the productive vibe of this time. After all, I do have a Taurus Moon in my chart. I love getting stuff done. I value productivity. I like to build things. That’s why I went into engineering. So, in Capricorn, the Earth really gets moving. We seem to have more physical strength for work this time of year – maybe because we were well rested and fed during Sagittarius.

Statistically, more people join and go to gyms in January than any other time of year. Interesting. Maybe that’s why we arranged our year start to occur in Capricorn. Cardinal-Earth is a great way to start new endeavors.

Another thing that I notice is that spending money is a lot easier in Capricorn. As a Cardinal-Earth sign, it’s time to spend. During Taurus (Fixed-Earth), we prefer to save. We want to hold on to our money (and energy) unless it really matters. But with Capricorn, it’s more important to flow with the momentum, rather than bargain shop.

So, for me, this Capricorn really got the dust flying. I was like a Tasmanian Devil, kicking up dirt wherever I went. Have any of you felt this way too? Have you found yourself motivated in areas that were stale or stagnant before? Even if you didn’t put the Capricorn energy into action, did you feel it? Did you find yourself sleeping less, waking early or multiple times during the night? I’m sure 2012 had something to do with it; after all, this year is a 5, which certainly facilitates Cardinal flow.

So Capricorn shook up the dirt, but prepare yourself because the music is about to stop. There’ll be plenty of chairs, but in a few days, I’m sure we’ll all have to take a seat. Why, you ask? Well in a few days, we’re going to enter into another T-Square right on the boundary of Cardinal and Fixed signs.

On Thursday:
Jupiter will be at 1° Taurus (Fixed-Earth),
Saturn will be at 29° Libra (Cardinal-Air), &
The Sun will be at 29° Capricorn (Cardinal-Earth).

By Saturday:
The Sun will be at 1° Aquarius (Fixed-Air) and Jupiter and Saturn will be more or less the same.

So what you see happening is the solar transition from Cardinal to Fixed accented by the tense aspect of a T-Square. A T-Square is formed just like the letter T (shown in red above). The Sun will be 90° from both Jupiter and Saturn, which are in opposition (180° from each other).

Jupiter, in Taurus, wants to expand beauty, wealth, and abundance – all that we value, but in a slow and steady fashion. Saturn asks us to take responsibility and if anything constricts our experiences until we do. And as these two major planets tug at us in opposite directions, the sun shifts from 5th gear to Park. Well, Aquarius is not really stopped; it is an air sign after all. Fixed-Air Aquarius is the least immovable of the Fixed signs. There are bouts of movement, often abrupt, but laced with hard stops. It is like a teenager learning to drive manual transmission: jerk…stop…lunge…stall.

The first time I gained an understanding of Aquarius was through observing a good friend who is Aquarius. I first experienced him as an Air sign not unlike any other. As a fellow Air sign, we got along well and conversation was stimulating. Then one day I noticed it. In two closely related subjects, he was staunchly fixed within opposing notions. When conditions met the first case, he was fluidly open, but when they shifted slightly into the second case, he was rigidly restrained. His logic made sense, but was quite different from my way of thinking.

A major characteristic of Aquarius is just that – different and unique, often surprisingly so. That’s the gift from Uranus, reminding us that we are all different, something worth celebrating. There is no reason we can’t all get along even if we are all different.

So, the T-Square aught to dot the i and cross the t of Capricorn, and sit us down for our next lesson. Capricorn kicked up the dust, and the T-Square is going to allow it to settle. After the air grows still and clear, we’ll be able to take inventory of what really happened in our first month of 2012. We’ll get to see how our actions propagated and then either celebrate our unique accomplishments or make adjustments.

Who knows, there might even be some surprises. Fives always pack the unexpected and maybe February will bring some big ones.

So if you find your activity suddenly abated, know it’s just a change of weather. Go with the ebb and await the next bout of flow. And to celebrate our collective individuality, feel free to comment on your experience of Capricorn and the transition into Aquarius – this year or in the past.

Big Hugs!

For Good

It is 7:15, Sunday morning, January 15, 2012. I just unpacked my monitor and am breaking in my new office. One of the cats is back to her intermittent exploring while the other is curled up on the familiar old sofa.

In some ways, it is hard to believe that everything came together so quickly. I only first looked at this place on December 31st – only decided to take it on January 2nd. Since then, five rooms and a long hallway were cleaned up, repaired, and painted – thanks to my friends who are now my neighbors.

The biggest reason to tell you about this experience is because it is an example of how manifestations works. When it’s right, it’s right and there is evidence everywhere.

I never mentioned this before, but I had been wanting a new place to live for almost two years now. I even took to actively looking for a while, but nothing turned up. The energy was just not there then. As Abraham would say, I was not a vibrational match to what I was looking for. So I let it go trusting that when I was, the Universe would let me know.

And it did. The last Thursday of the year, I noticed the sign out front. There was no information other than a phone number. I called out of curiosity and, as they say, the rest is history.

But here is the icing on the cake. Yesterday right around noon, the moving truck was packed up and we were ready to roll. My truck was also stuffed, so much so that the cats were stacked one crate on top of the other in the passenger seat next to me. The 2.8 mile journey thus began.

Now, 2.8 miles doesn’t take long. In fact, it is about a 2-song drive. I was playing Pandora and the first song that came on was one that I hadn’t encountered before. It was a modern version of an old song. With the cats mildly complaining, I started singing the familiar words. And then it struck me! This is what they were saying:

“Come back and stay for good this time…”   (<– click to hear the song via YouTube)

After commuting from my old place to my new place every day for two weeks, I was told to come back and stay for good this time, which is exactly what I was doing!

And who says the Universe doesn’t talk directly to us – in words?!?!

A big reason I set down the path to do the work that I now do is because of examples like this. I have experienced Universe communications like this for many years. I have been shown over and over again that no matter how rough it gets, there is always the other side. We are always guided. We are always accompanied. Spirit can’t take away the challenges we create for ourselves, but they can guide us through them, help us get as much out of them as we can, and then assure us that it’s all going to work out.

December 2011 was one of the most difficult months I’ve lived through in a long time. And at the very end, a gift out of left field fell into my lap. In this new home, I now have one room as a dedicated office, for writing and creative work, and another room that will be dedicated to healing work and readings. This is the vision I’ve had for years and this is what has arrived.

And notice the words chosen by the lyricist of that song:

“Come back and stay for good this time…”

I never thought about it before, this alternate meaning of good. “For good.” It’s a double entendre! Come back and stay – for good.

Last week, I said there are no permanent addresses; everything changes. But there’s always for good!

A New Lease on Life

Every so often, we get a fresh start in some area of life, like when we begin a new job or move into a new place. When we were in school, it came every year or semester. Now that we’re a bit older, fresh starts are harder to come by. They don’t happen automatically. Instead, we create them by choice and sometimes with effort.

Do you remember those days in school? Do you remember how fun it was to crack open new textbooks, notebooks, and school supplies? Maybe geometry didn’t go so well, but now we’re in algebra and our grade starts all over again!

As an adult, we often rush through our transitions. We just want to get there and get settled. Transitions take us out of our comfort zones and all we want is back into them. So we start a new jobs just days after the old one, and pack up all of our old belongings without taking the opportunity to really purge.

The Aces are all about new beginnings: fresh ideas, renewed energy, an emotional openness and expectancy, and new jobs & homes – Swords, Wands, Cups, & Pentacles.

Ace Of Pentacles

Right now, I am smack dab in the middle of an Ace of Pentacles. Yesterday, I signed a new lease and by this time next week, I’ll be sleeping under a new roof. Each day, life gets less comfortable in the old place as boxes pile up and closets get pulled apart. Echoes are evident of the change.

Last week was primarily about preparing the new, but as the new pad nears a level of readiness, clearing the old becomes the order of business. The prior entailed a lot of hard work, the latter the moving old energy.

Writing this blog entry is my way of stopping for a moment to mark the transition. In a way, I’m giving my body a quick little rest – something I didn’t do enough last week. At the same time, I am savoring the experience of this place I’ve lived in for nearly 5 years. This was, after all, my home. It was my first place in Texas and one of only two places I lived in during the past decade.

A new lease on life can sometimes show up as an actual lease. If we pay attention, we realize that we area all renters. We only rent these bodies – they are not who we really are. No matter what the law says, ownerships will end. There are no permanent addresses. Possession may be 9/10 of the law according to government, but it is not the workings of the universe.

So today, I sit in appreciation. This place has served me well and will soon serve someone else. Another house is soon to become a home, bit by bit. And although life never stops changing, with the more obvious changes ahead of me, it’ll all be more noticeable. And that’s one of the biggest reasons for this move to begin with.

Whether an Ace of Pentacles is ahead of you, or behind you, it’s never a bad time to sit and take notice for a moment. More subtle versions are present in your life if you look for them.

Best wishes on the enfolding of your new year!

Tides

Sitting on the beach watching the waves. We notice the obvious ebb and flow right off, but is the tide receding or coming in? We look at the marks in the sand for evidence and watch what the water is doing. After a handful of waves, we see one that goes just a bit higher up the beach than the others. The tide is coming in.

Two of Pentacles

At the Two of Pentacles, our new vibration has already begun. We lifted anchor and now our boat moves forward. But does that mean we are completely free of the past?

Learning from the waves, we know that the low tide of our past vibration does not give way to the high tide of our future linearly. There will be ups and downs, back and forth as we grow more and more accustom to our new vibration. Some tides will bring things in, and others will take things away.

January 2012 is exactly this. We are in a new year. The energy has shifted just like the gravitational pull of the moon. The tides have turned. Watch the ups and downs long enough and you can tell the tide is rising.

We are moving. With each crest, we can see far into the future toward the horizon. We can also look back at the road we’ve traveled to get here.

As you continue forward, if you fall into a trough, know that you’re still progressing. Smoother roads are just head. Juggle the circumstances of past and future together, but to do this well, stay centered on the present moment.

Happy Traveling through January 2012!

Tough Love

Today is 1/1/2012, the first day of a year that is said to change life as we know it. But then again, most of us hope that January first of any year is the beginning of something new and wonderful.

As I look back on 2011, a rather difficult year by any measure, I am most aware of how it ended. The universe contains perfection, and at times, the most perfect way for us to get something we’ve overlooked all of our lives, is a stiff bout of tough love.

In the archetypal sky, the planets of tough love are Saturn and Pluto. Saturn is that often-unpleasant reminder that we are responsible for ourselves. As we look into the past, we can see all of the decisions we’ve made. We can’t control how others treat us. We can’t necessarily choose what happens to us. But we can and do always choose how to react. What we do in light of what life brings us is solely our responsibility.

Is it our right to shun those people who abuse us? Absolutely.

Is it appropriate to feel angry when someone violates us? Most certainly.

Is it acceptable to feel hurt when someone betrays us? Yes, that and more.

What we feel in light of whatever shows up in our lives is our truth – even if we misunderstand the actions of others – even if we created the situation from our past actions – no matter what. What we feel is always appropriate. That is because it comes from somewhere. The current situation may have simply pushed us over the edge, but somewhere in the past is the source of it.

Saturn has nothing to say about how we feel. He has everything to say about what we do. The choices we make in light of our feelings are what he is here to teach us about. Feeling angry about a violation is one thing, violating another with that anger is another.

But Saturn is not telling you to grin and bear it. He is not telling you to turn the other cheek. He is telling you to choose what you do. That is the empowered action. When you recognize your choices and then choose, you empower yourself as a creator of your own reality. You cannot know what result your action will bring, but you can choose in every moment, to be the person you want to be.

In 2011, Saturn showed up in my chart. For much of the year, I was under the influence of Saturn (in the sky) directly opposite Saturn (in my chart). I learned through this experience that this can be an extremely challenging transit to live through. It didn’t just happen to me. Others that have this very aspect had challenges of their own, and some were huge.

In order to pass Saturn’s test, we have to get what he’s here to show us. A month or so ago, I researched, and soul searched. I looked at how Saturn taught me in the past, and I considered what was happening in the present. But I still didn’t get it. It took a month of intense emotion to finally get through to me.

Saturn in the sky is in the sign of Libra. Libra is cardinal-air and all about relationship. Saturn in Libra is here beseeching me (all of us really) to speak within our relationships. Actions are words, but words are words, and sometimes words must be spoken.

But Saturn wasn’t my only teacher in 2011.

If my life were to be compared to a bottle of champagne, then Saturn came along and shook it, over and over again. The pressure increased over the course of the year. In fact, it had been building for much of the last 7 years since my previous Saturn-Saturn transit. Saturn shook the bottle, but Pluto popped off the cap. And what spewed was emotion accumulated over my whole lifetime.

Mars is the ruler of war and action – Pluto the ruler of volcanoes and nuclear explosions. When one of these planets aspects the other in your chart, watch out! The insurgence of energy is awe-inspiring! The last time Mars transited my natal Pluto, I wrote A Sword is a Sword.  Yesterday, when I went back and reread that channeled message, it was the most appropriate wisdom I could have received.

Mar and Pluto activated my expression, pushing me over the edge, but Saturn continues to remind me about my choices. Yes, emotion is flying out of me unlike ever before perhaps, but I am still in control of my actions. I may not be able to keep my mouth shut, but I can still choose the words that I scream. (And scream I did!)

The entire year of 2011 was a 4. Four is stability, lacking in movement or change. If you’re in a good place, fours are great, if you’re in a bad place, fours are frustrating. 2011 was a 4, but was constructed from 2 and 11. 2 is direction, and 11 illumination. In order to see the most appropriate direction to take, we need light; we need to open our eyes. And when we open our eyes, we sometimes don’t like what we see.

2011 opened my eyes to a lot of things, most especially in December. December, 2011 is 12/2011 which adds up to 7. Seven takes us deep into our soul. Seven shows us everything inside of ourselves – not just the good stuff.

December of any year as a 12 is all about creation (3). Three always holds within it some form of movement. For me, the stale, stagnant 4 of 2011 gave way in December. Time was running out and I had yet to learn what was required.

And now it’s over. 2011 is no longer. Today is 1/1/2012. It is the first day of the new year, and the first day of the rest of our lives.

2012 is a 5. Five has movement, like 3. But unlike 3, the movement is often unexpected. 2012 is going to surprise us, over and over again. Surprise is not good or bad – it is merely unanticipated. Miracles are surprises. So are beautifully wrapped gifts. The 11 of 2011 turned on the light, and in 2012, it is time to look around. There is still more to see, more to explore, more to discover, more to create. We have a bit more information now. The path ahead should be a little clearer. And the wheels have been oiled. But unlike with The Chariot, we are still driving.

The Chariot does show up in life now and again, picking us up and driving us to some other place. But then it drops us off again and leaves us in control. The Chariot is card number VII in the Tarot. 1/1/2012 is also a seven. So today, we are free to let go of the steering wheel if we want. It is a Sunday, a holiday, a day of rest. We made it through 2011 and today is our break. When the Chariot drops us off at the end of the day, it’ll be the first Monday of 2012 and the first day to start deciding where to go next.

Interestingly, I have a decision to make by tomorrow that could, at least superficially, change my life experience for the foreseeable future.

Some of you might agree that 2011 was hell. It was a near death experience. If it didn’t kill us, then that means we have more to do, see, create, and experience. All of us reading this have made it to at least the first day of this infamous (or at least much anticipated) year.

Don’t just let it happen to you. Recognize your choices – you always have them. Seek what you desire. If you wish to have a life filled with integrity, then you must act with integrity.

I have learned that acting with integrity sometimes mean speaking my truth. Even if the other person is not open to hear my words, integrity still asks me to say them. Not for an outcome. Not to change the past. But because it is the right and just thing to do.

Speak your truth. Seek your dreams. Recognize your choices, and choose.

Happy New Year everyone!

11 / ELEVEN / XI – ONZE : UNDICI : ONCE

To celebrate 11/11/11 – I am sharing another excerpt from my new book-to-be, The Boy who Wrote for the Gods. It is from Chapter 11 – naturally. I hope you enjoy it!

Illumination

Eleven is a Master Number and thus is not reduced to two. However, eleven doesn’t simply add meaning to the number two, it raises the meaning of two to a higher vibration. For example, to describe the meaning of two, we could use words like: connection, communication, and direction. So watch as we start with these words, and then reach higher.

Let’s begin by discussing an individual who is seeking information from another. The one, in encountering the other, makes a connection(2). He or she asks a question initiating communication(2). And let’s then say in this case the second is able to answer the question thus providing direction(2). So far, what we are describing is a human experience that is classically two in its vibration.

Now let’s take this to the next level. Lets say instead of simply asking(2), the first person is seeking(7). One who asks receives knowledge, but what happens to the one that seeks? We would say that he or she receives illumination(11)! Illumination is not just information (knowledge), but also inspiration (energy). It is a bathing of light. Light is information, but also sound, energy – love. You see light, hear sound, and feel love. From our perspective, they are merely different frequencies of vibration; light is love and love is light. During the daytime, half of your planet is bathed in the light of the sun and is thus illuminated by it. The sun is the source of that light. Thus illumination always has a source. That is why we often refer to The One (God/Goddess/All-That-Is) as Source!

What is less obvious is that with illumination, one is moved into a higher vibration; one is affected and shifted. When a particle is illuminated with energy, it becomes excited. When a person is illuminated with love, he or she becomes excited. Illumination is not just a two experience, it is an eleven! In fact, we are illuminating you right now. We are providing you with information, but also light, unseen or otherwise.

Earlier we showed you how the number two in Roman notation is written as II and thus resembles 11, the higher vibration of two. This is illustrated on card II in the Tarot. In fetching this card, you will find the

The High Priestess

High Priestess pictured between two pillars. The High Priestess is card number II but also closely related to 11. Eleven may be a higher vibration of two, yet it is still dualistic. In other words, it contains two meanings. On the one hand there is illumination, on the other disillusionment. The High Priestess is aware of this and thus sits in between the two. You cannot have illumination without disillusionment. They are not opposites, like pro and con, but the very same. With illumination, light reveals truth, but that is the very same process as when the light dispels darkness. Disillusionment is thus when false ideas are revealed for what they are, and through this process the truth is then known. Really, the only difference between illumination and disillusionment is your perspective. Just like the gateway of ten, you are free to look backward or forward. And so, inside the gateway of eleven, you can look toward disillusionment or toward illumination. It is your choice(2). We of course, invite you to sit, as the High Priestess does, in between the two in full acknowledgement and acceptance of both – and thus inside of eleven where both paths are seen simultaneously.

And now here is something you can behold and enjoy – a visual mnemonic to help you remember the significance of what eleven brings. The Roman number II resembles 11, but so does the double el – ‘ll’. Now watch as we reveal words and phrases resonant with eleven. We already told you of the two pillars of eleven: illumination and disillusionment. These pillars do not cross like the (X), they are parallel. Thus the difference between two and eleven is alignment. But illumination is also a process, an ongoing process, and one that will continue infinitely. If there is anything that you wish to know, be patient, because time will tell all. Anything false will fade away revealing truth eventually. Allow this, and you will grow wise well in advance of others. And thus you will experience fulfillment and wellbeing and continually move beyond the walls of illusion.

Happy 11/11/11 everyone!

The Military Brat

When one works with the Tarot the way I do, he or she works with a set of Archetypes. Archetypes are off-the-shelf personalities, situations, or challenges. Examples are the following:

• The hero and his quest
• The damsel and her distress
• The wise sage in the forest and his teachings
• The military brat and his dad

For today’s discussion, I’m going to focus on the Military Brat. An interesting thing about this particular archetype is that it is – by definition – associated with another – namely his or her military dad: the masculine, disciplinarian man who is the giver of tough love. He’s stern, demanding, unsympathetic, a true hard ass, and is here to make men and women out of us boys and girls.

In Astrology, Saturn acts like our military dad. Where Saturn sits in our Natal Chart indicates what part of our life dad is especially persnickety about. It’s where he watches over our shoulders while we work and judges our every move.

Saturn transits are another part of the story. As Saturn moves around in the sky, it transits (hits) certain parts of our Natal chart – kicking our ass in one way or another. One of the most infamous is called the Saturn Return. It happens when Saturn sits in the same place as when we were born and happens when we’re 29ish and again when we’re 58 or so. Because Saturn moves back and forth in the sky from our perspective here on earth, Saturn Returns can last nearly a full year.

During my Saturn return (in 1997 to 1998) Saturn shifted my way of working. Before that time, I worked full time in an office – like most 9-to-5-ers. After my Saturn Return, I have never gone back to that. Instead, I have worked primarily out of my home, and with greater independence than before. I have Saturn in Aries, and part of his insistence was for me to be independent and self reliant. Going with the flow is just not in the stars for me this time around.

Interestingly, this past year has been more challenging for me than that time was, especially since July. After doing some research, I discovered that there are actually four Saturn Transits that are especially challenging – one every 7 years or so. Picture it this way:

As Saturn moves around the Zodiac, it hits where it was when you were born (every 29 years), but also is across from it 14 years before and after, and at the side points 7 years from the other times. At each of these junctions in our lives, our military dad comes to visit, and sometimes for a full year. We may be adults now, but he is still our father, and still critical. He is still a hard ass and rides ours for a while until we take care of business in some way or another.

What you will likely notice, after you’re out of the woods and the dust settles, is that big changes were the result – jobs, addresses, careers, relationships, and sometimes many of these at once.

This year, Saturn in the sky is opposite from where it was when I was born. That means dad is harping on a core issue for me, but via something a little different. My birth Saturn is all about my beliefs (my philosophies of life), but right now it is hitting my communication with others (my ability to express my ideas). So in a nutshell, all of my accepted beliefs are up for review, and while that’s happening, I might as well be mute – unable to express my thoughts because I can’t even figure them out for myself.

Because Saturn-Saturn transits are tied to age, all of my peers born in 1968 are having this same transit as well, albeit in different areas of their lives. One friend, who had it ahead of me, had relationship changes, address changes, and job changes all at the same time. And a third friend who is just behind me is getting challenged rather intensely in one specific area of her life.

So, if you’re born in 1968 and have Saturn somewhere close to 24 degrees Aries, you’re up! And, if you were born in 1939, you likely have Saturn in the same place as us born in 1968 – and so you’ll be challenged just the same. [I just discovered that my mother and I have Saturn in nearly the same place because I was born while she was having her first Saturn Return.]

Now, if you were born in early or late 1952, or early 1953 – you’re probably having your second Saturn Return right now. You’ll be having your first if you were born late in 1981 or early 1982.

And then there are those born 7 years before or after all of the above dates.

Certainly you’ve heard about the seven-year itch, well that all about Saturn. Every 7 years, if something is not working in your life, it really needs to go!

So what can we do about all of the difficulty when in the middle of a Saturn Transit? What options does a military brat have for dealing with his father? Not many! You can’t fight him – he’s a warrior and better skilled at that. You can’t beat him because he’s strong (and strong willed). And you can’t trick him; he’s strategically savvy. All you can do is listen to what he has to say and try to see the best in what he’s trying to teach you. He does, after all, have your best interests at heart. He may see things from a different perspective, but he does want his kid to be strong and safe.

And Saturn is the same way. He’s here to keep us on track. In seven years, we have ample opportunity to drift off our path. So when he visits, he might be very unwelcome. He might wreak a little havoc. But in the end, we’ll be happier because we’ll have corrected what needed adjusting.

And if you’ve been proactive? Well it won’t be so harsh after all. I guess I was in 1997, because that time was a breeze (compared to now). By being prepared for Saturn’s visit, cleaning up the house ahead of his arrival, making necessary changes and without resistance, you may even be met with his approval.

There are lots of ways to find where Saturn is in your Natal chart. One way is through www.Astro.com.

Today, Saturn is at 23 Libra. That means if your Saturn is close to one of the following places, you’re likely feeling his presence:

23 Libra
23 Aries
23 Cancer
23 Capricorn

And for the record, all of these are Cardinal signs. That means that our military dad has an even a higher expectation of us than our siblings with Saturn in other signs. If we weren’t proactive about fixing something, he’ll be especially loud about it!

If you feel specifically challenged in your life right now and want to see if Saturn is at the root of it all, consult an astrologer or come in and get a reading from me. We’ll look up your chart, lay out some cards, and see if it’s your turn to be a military brat for a while – like me!